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Love or Lust?
Started by StyleStar at 06-26-2006 1:04 PM. Topic has 13 replies.
  
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 06-26-2006, 1:04 PM
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StyleStar
 
Joined on 12-31-2005
Rank NA
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How many of you are married? Were you married young?
Cause 2 of my close friends are getting married this summer. They are really the first two of my close friends to get married. I am not bothered by this--actually having fun with all the wedding planning.
I have been with my boyfriend for 2 1/2 years now and we have talked about marriage from the beginning and I know we will get engaged soon and when it happens it happens, I am not pushing him or anything.
At a recent bridal shower though, one of the girls there asked me when I was getting married? This was the first time I had met her (keep in mind in a room full of about 50 women) and most of the girls my age (well they are actually younger than me, like 21-23) are already married. I was slightly taken aback and for the first time felt pressure--her question made me feel like I should be married... I replied, on maybe in a year or two--no rush.
Then I see that a lot of the girls who I graduated with are married and so many of the one's younger than me. I am 25. I don't want to rush things because I think so many of them (well the one's I know well enough) are jumping into marriage so quickly and I don't want to do that and have it result in divorce. But then part of me thinks that I would always get married young but it didn't work out that way, so fine. So it just kind of bothers me, or makes me wonder, should I be married already?
Has anyone else ever felt this way? Opinions, thoughts?
"These are very dainty and superrefined, but really vile."
Manolo Blahnik
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06-26-2006, 3:53 PM
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IrresistableStitch
Joined on 01-12-2006
San Francisco - East Bay
Rank NA
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Re: Marriage-any pressure?
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no. you shouldn't be married already.
you shouldn't also feel too pressured because people are getting married and asking you when you are.
too many people are getting married at such a young age. young...i am talking under 25. I think far too many people jump in thinking...ohhhh its love...and lets show the world US!!! la la la! we are sooooo adult now.
i get asked "so, when are you getting married?" probably on average about once a day. I have been with my guy for the last 4 years, or is it 5? its been a while, and I don't ever want to get married. I am just not that type of girl. It isn't that I don't love my boyfriend, and want to spend the rest of my life with him. I just straight up don't believe in marriage. I probably have a sour taste for marriage because my parents divorced when I was 4, and my father dealt with a horrible second marriage.
I want my everyday to be a holiday!
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07-03-2006, 4:40 PM
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nyc212
Joined on 06-25-2006
NYC
Rank NA
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Re: Marriage-any pressure?
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I have never felt pressure to get married - in fact, I was the opposite. I just felt I had the rest of my life to be married so I was not in any rush. Besides, I enjoy my life - personally and professionally - and felt very secure and happy with what I had so I have not been looking for something else to 'complete me'.
That said, I am engaged now. I'm 25 and, to be honest, I'm engaged at a younger age than when I thought I would. I consider 25 pretty young. In my circle of friends, 25 is not that old (but I live in NYC where people are marrying later and at an older age than in the past). I'm engaged b/c I was ready and my fiance just swept me off my feet. But, I was not in any rush (he's a little older which is why I think he was ready a little quicker) and he was not my first boyfriend. In fact, if I look at the guys I dated when I was in college, I cannot imagine marrying them. Nothing wrong with them but I'm just such a different person now than I was then - I've grown a lot and become a lot more 'sure' about who I am and what I want. I mean, I thought I knew then but it turns out I really didn't :)
I would definitely enjoy your life on your own (even though you have a boyfriend) because that is important part of how you develop who you are, your likes, your aspirations. You'll get married and you'll have that the rest of your life but you'll never have the chance to do the things you can do / achieve on your own when you in your early 20s.
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07-04-2006, 1:26 PM
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handbagaddict
Joined on 01-04-2006
Tempe Arizona
Rank NA
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Re: Marriage-any pressure?
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I agree with everything that NY212 just said. I was always the oppsite too - felt that I had my entire life to get married and was never in any rush. The only thing that I will admit to being different was that often in my twenties, I did NOT feel secure with what I had or where I was professionally or personally. But to me, that was all the more reason to not want to get married. I knew that I had to complete myself and not find someone else to do that for me - because somebody cannot complete you.
I can proudly say that I went out and experienced life much more than my friends or my sister. Now, I look at their marraiges and I find them pathetic and sad. They all fight constantly with their spouses and I have no doubt that they will all end up divorced because, like NYC212 said above, you change way too much between the age of 19/early twenties and your mid to late twenties. Now my friends and sister are all with people who they are not compatible with. They all call me complaining about what jerks their husbands are and I honestly cannot relate. I got engaged at 27 and married at 29, by the way. Whats funny is at the time, between 22 and 27 when I got engaged, they kept ridiculing me about how I need to settle down and get married. Guess I'm the one laughing now.....I point this out only because it sounds like your friends are doing the same thing to you. Don't listen to them! Live your life and have fun now because later, when you have a family, you will regret. Unless of course, you want to be like my sister, who leaves her two kids and husband at home and goes to the bar and then drunk-calls me going "I'm SOOO drunk...." Something that you do when you are in college, but she never did because she got married at 19 and never went out and had fun before starting a family
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08-16-2006, 11:16 PM
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Fishlips
Joined on 01-08-2006
Rank NA
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Re: Marriage-any pressure?
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I got married when I was 19. Ive been married for 8 years... as soon as you get married people will be constantly asking you when you planing to have kids, as soon as you have you first kid, they will be asking you when you gonna have your 2nd one, if they end up to be both same sex, they will be asking you when you going to have boy/girl and so on
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08-17-2006, 8:29 AM
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fleur de violette
Joined on 01-06-2006
eastern usa
Rank NA
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Re: Marriage-any pressure?
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just say that you have been dating your bf for 2 1/2 years, so you must
be doing something right. smile then walk away or change subject.
~“For beautiful eyes, look for the good in others; for beautiful lips, speak only words of kindness; and for poise, walk with the knowledge that you are never alone.” ~ Audrey Hepburn
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11-02-2006, 11:36 PM
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runit
Joined on 09-01-2006
Rank NA
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Re: Marriage-any pressure?
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I got married at 22 and my husband was 24, my family was against it because I was a senior in college and my husband just graduated. I felt like I was pressured to not get married but once they met my fiance at that time, they fell in love. The only crazy thing was after I got married all these guys came flooding in from my past and new guys and my parents were like remember you're married, lol. I don't regret a thing, but don't feel pressured from any direction, because I hear Divorce can be a Beotch.
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02-18-2007, 11:17 PM
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dreamer
Joined on 04-15-2006
cal
Rank NA
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Re: Marriage-any pressure?
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i wouldnt feel pressure. i think 25 is young to be married! just do what you want and when your ready your ready. im young and i know nothing, but I think late 20's/early 30's is a good time to get married. you need time to live your life, right?!
lost for you im so lost for you
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02-19-2007, 7:37 PM
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LuxeLuthor
Joined on 02-01-2007
Washington DC Area
Rank NA
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Re: Marriage-any pressure?
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I don't feel pressured, but I have friends who feel that way- it's funny, it just depends on who you hang out with and where you live- for everyone who asks me why I'm not married yet, someone else tells me I'm young, and to wait as long as possible! In the end, do what feels right for you- I think it's different for everyone.
I've been with my boyfriend for about 3 years now...or is it four?! We talk about marriage, and it's not too too far off, but I'm not in a rush...it's a long life, and I'm just focused on enjoying the now.
I ♥ www.luxeluthor.com
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02-22-2007, 1:05 AM
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CrossMyHeart
Joined on 01-08-2006
The Real OC
Rank NA
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Re: Marriage-any pressure?
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I've been feeling the pressure already and I'm turning 20 in a few months!!!
I swear to God, Facebook is evil that way...I was shocked at how many people from highschool are engaged. The oldest is 23.
It's so weird.
I haven't even had a serious relationship yet and I feel so behind. My roommates are both turning 21 this year and one has her future planned out with a guy (he'll propose soon, no doubt) and the other was just looking at rings this weekend with her boyfriend.
What's wrong with me? lol
*I guess it may be small town Ontario, hope I'm not shocking anyone...haha.
"She's got a fashion queen walk and she wears her blue jeans faded." Sam Roberts, Paranoia
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03-20-2007, 2:35 PM
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high maintenance
Joined on 01-12-2006
Baltimore, MD
Rank NA
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Re: Marriage-any pressure?
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I am 30 and definitely feel pressure, but, I feel that most of the pressure is self-inflicted. I think about getting married and having kids every day. I have been in a relationship for over two years, but, my boyfriend has already been married and has two kids and he feels no need to do it again for the time being. I love my boyfriend very much, but, if our relationship isn't going to lead to marriage in the next year or two, I need to move on. I wish I were younger – I want to have a child by 35. Ugh!
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03-20-2007, 7:03 PM
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Dolce_Vita
Joined on 01-25-2007
Toronto
Rank NA
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Re: Marriage-any pressure?
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I'm 20, and GREEK ... so I definitely feel pressure to get married and have felt such pressure since I was FIFTEEN! I've learned to ignore it since I'm ONLY twenty! My boyfriend is also Greek, and 6 years older than me ... so he definitely feels MORE pressure than I do. I always tell the people that ask me when I'm going to get married that they'll definitely find out, so they don't have to keep pestering me with the same question every time they see me. They get the point so whatever!
* * * L I V E * * I N * * L O V E * * *
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06-06-2007, 3:40 PM
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iheartdi0r
Joined on 05-29-2007
NYC
Rank NA
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Re: Marriage-any pressure?
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well ain't that the truth!!!
I'm 22 and Greek too! haha... my boyfriend [he's Greek] and we have been together almost 2 years but he's my age.. I'm actually 3 wks older haha.. but we definitely don't feel, or at least he doesn't want to be married yet. Like the perfect age for me to be engaged is like 24-25 and married by 26-27... but I definitely feel the pressure sometimes from my parents esp my mother who doesn't like him cuz he's shorter than me lol-- i'm 5'10'' and he's 5'8.5'' soo it's hard esp when my bff Sofia is now 7 months pregnant with her first child.. married since July and will be 23 in October.. it's sooo weirdd for me ya know.. attending these engagement parties and bridal showers and knowing how all these people i went to high school with from my graduating class.. half of them are married or got kids.. blah!
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The Luxe Lounge » Luxe Life Loung... » Love or Lust? » Re: Marriage-any pressure?
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